Today I'm Kvetching

 

Teachers Convention is fast approaching and I have no childcare, nor can I afford it. The event, intended to provide professional development for public school teachers in New Jersey, is scheduled for a Thursday and Friday when I am expected at my job.

I simply can not understand why this annual event takes place without consideration for single, working parents.

What am I supposed to do? Seriously.

Hiring a sitter will cost $135 a day...more than I make in a single day. That's a total of $270 for two days of coverage. This money will come directly out of the grocery line, as there is no other place from which to deduct. (I can't avoid buying gas, skipping the car insurance or ignoring the the utility or phone bills).

The alternative is that I take two days off of work, thus putting my job in jeopardy, since my vacation days are supposed to be utilized during the summer months when the workload is substantially less. (There is an idea....schedule the teachers convention during the summer).

I could lie of course and say I have a sick child, but that is not my style.

What adds to my frustration is that I have yet to speak with one public school teacher who is attending the convention. The public school teachers with whom I have consulted however, are using the four days to take family vacations.  I honestly do not blame them. I recognize how hard teachers work. I see their struggles and I know that it is largely a thankless job.

My anger is not directed at the teachers. They deserve a break.

While the convention is the target of my resentment now, it goes way beyond these two days. Though it is only November, I have missed several opportunities to attend events at my children's school because I work. The guilt I shoulder for the challenges in our children's lives caused by the divorce is only compounded because I am not present when other moms are there. I will most likely never be the class mom chaperoning field trips or assisting with class projects.

I know I am not alone. There must be others like me, but I have yet to find them.

And no, I don't have a village. I have no family, extended or otherwise to help me, as they are all across the country. And while I do have several close friends in the area, I am not able to call upon any of them to take my children for nine hours a day for two days. Please tell me how I can find a village.

This Friday is Halloween. Parents have been invited to pick their kids up at 11:30, take them for lunch and return them an hour later dressed in their Halloween costumes. My plan is to drive as fast I can on my lunch hour to their school, see them for five minutes in the Halloween parade before driving like hell to get back to my desk. Happy Halloween kids. Tell me, will someone be there to help the children dress in their customs if their parents are unable to pick them up because they have to work like me?

And I know this is just the beginning...the kids are only in kindergarten. I've got years of missed events and guilt ahead of me.

Yes, I know it could always be worse. I am fortunate. My kids are healthy and I have a job to go to each day. We have all that we need.

I just want empathy for those of us who are trying to do it all, but always falling short in one area or another.

Thanks for letting me kvetch.