I can do better

 

The oldest child asked if he could help me cook dinner tonight and it was with a great deal of reluctance that I finally agreed (yes family...sometimes I cook...please focus).

Since he almost never expresses interest in assisting me I was sure to acknowledge and thank him for his thoughtfulness.

But truthfully, I still did not want his involvement and here is way....

1. It would cost me time and it is so much easier to do it myself.
2. There would inevitably be more cleanup involved, as he is certain to spill something.
3. Gas stoves scare me and I do not want the children anywhere near the flame. (I am forever haunted by the Soprano's episode where Tony's lover catches fire from her stove).

And most importantly....

4. His assistance would require a level of patience (for all of the reasons listed above) I am not sure I possess by the end of the day.

Still, in an effort to be a better, more conscientious parent, I relented and I am glad I did. We had a fun moment together...just the one twin....something that rarely happens.  In fact, I almost never get time alone with any of the three unless you count the toddler sleeping next to me each night. (One day I will write about how I finally got him in his own bed).

I am so consumed with survival and just making it through the day...insuring that all three kids are safe, fed, clean and where they need to be on time that I miss the opportunities to share and engage with them and enjoy their company. However, unless something monumental happens (striking oil in the backyard for example) this is how life is going to be for many years to come and I have to find ways to make it meaningful and joyful despite the challenges. I must remember that when a son wants to help me he is not costing me time, but gifting me the opportunity to spend it with him (duh). Instead of doing what is easiest like putting them in front of the television so I can prepare dinner in peace, I need to embrace the chaos and recognize it will not always be so damn hard.

On a separate note, maybe it is time that they are charged with some responsibilities around the house. If he wants to cook, he might also enjoy cleaning. That sure would make for a less grumpy mommy.

I know I am not stating anything here that is profound or that has not been said already by countless other parents....I am just hopeful that by recounting and recording the experience I will be closer to becoming the mommy I want to be. Let this be a sticky note to remind me to always try harder.